Happy Thanksgiving

A trip to the beach to watch the sunset

Playing ;-)

With Uncle Brent and Aunt Lauren

4 Generations!

We had a wonderful trip to FL for Thanksgiving. We left on Sunday night at 5pm and arrived at 11:30pm.  It was definitely a good idea to drive at night because Hannah ended up sleeping the majority of the trip.  She did such a good job on the way down and was in a fabulous mood the entire week!  She smiled the majority of the time and slept very well while we were there.  She hit a few exciting milestones during the week as well.  She started pulling herself up in her crib and she got her first tooth!  She handled the new tooth like a champ! :-)

It was great to spend time with my parents (MeMaw and PaPaw) and Hannah got to meet her Uncle Brent and Aunt Lauren for the first time.  It was so good to see all of them and made us realize just how much we wish we lived near our family. 

We came home yesterday and drove during the daytime, which was definitely not as easy as the night.  Hannah took two short naps during the drive, but was definitely ready to get out of the car during the last hour or two.  I ended up driving for the second half of the trip and Brian sat in the back with Hannah, to give me a break from the entertaining.  When we got home Hannah was in quite a mood - she obviously missed all the attention she had been getting.  She slept horribly last night and so far today has cried through both of her naps.  She is definitely paying us back for the car ride yesterday.  Maybe she's getting another tooth and this time isn't taking it so well?  Not sure what the problem is, but she is miserable. :-(

We have so much to be thankful for this year - a healthy baby, wonderful family and friends, a secure job for Brian that he loves, the provision Brian's job provides that allows me to stay home with Hannah, our health, our home, and most importantly our Savior who loves us unconditionally!

Mommy Idols

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"  - A question that is asked of children throughout their lives.  My answer was always the same, "A mommy!"  There was never any doubt as to what my life's purpose was.  I have always known that I would be a mother and that has always been my ultimate goal.  Little did I know what a challenge it would be to get to that point and then what a challenge it would be once I was there.  
We tried for two years to conceive and it was a painful road.  We did all the fertility testing and everything came back "normal" - unexplained infertility they told us.  We waited and prayed that the Lord would bless us with a baby.  This was my first of many lessons in patience and trust.  I was forced to lay it all in the Lord's hands and trust Him.  We tried everything (naturally) that we could to become parents and it just wasn't happening.  I was forced to give up my trying and let the Lord do what He wished. 

After finding out we were PREGNANT I knew right away that I was having a girl.  I don't know why, but I just knew.  I had always wanted a boy first (again, I don't really know why, I just did).  But the day of our gender ultrasound I was not surprised at all to find out we were having a girl.  However, I was disappointed.  We had tried so long for this - why couldn't I at least have the boy that I had always wanted?  The Lord taught me to trust Him more.  He had a plan and a little girl was part of that plan.  Again, I was forced to trust His plan, not my own. 

Throughout my pregnancy I knew I wanted to have a natural (un-medicated) delivery.  I did a lot of research about the possible side effects of an epidural and other drugs used during labor.  I didn't like the idea of using medication, so I prepared as best I could for a natural labor.  We prayed for Hannah to come a few days early or at least on her due date so that I wouldn't need to be induced.  Her due date came and went.  Come on Lord, can't I at least have this baby the way I have planned and prepared?  Once again, my heart was tested.  Do you trust me Sabrina?  Do you truly believe that I have the perfect plan for you and Hannah?  There was nothing I could do to make Hannah come according to my plan.  Again, I was forced to trust that the Lord was in complete control.

While preparing for the arrival of our sweet little baby, I read every book available about caring for a newborn.  I spent hours (thousands of hours) making lists, taking notes and planning out what to do and when.  I had a plan and a back-up plan for my plan!  I knew what I was doing.  Well......AGAIN, I was forced to give up MY plan and realize that the Lord was in control, not me.  My baby didn't follow any of my plans.  She didn't do anything by the book and all those hours were wasted.  Lord, why couldn't I at least get something I wanted?  She doesn't sleep like the books say she should, she doesn't eat like she should, we have tried to let her cry it out for 4 months straight and it's still not working!  Why Lord?  What are you trying to teach me?  And again, the Lord was showing me that my plan is not His plan - He is in control, not me!

I could go on and on giving illustrations of what my plans were for Hannah and how they crumbled (didn't want her to use a pacifier and now she is addicted, wanted her to follow the Dr. Denmark schedule but she wouldn't, etc.)  Motherhood has always been my ultimate goal and hope for my life.  I had placed motherhood on such a pedestal my entire life.  Now that I had reached that goal and it had become my reality, things just weren't what I had expected.  Motherhood was my idol and when it started crumbling around me, I began to see my desperate need for Jesus.  I couldn't live up to my own expectations any longer.  I was failing as a mother, in my eyes.  So now what?

It has taken several years to realize what an idol I have made of motherhood.  I never saw it as a bad thing (and it's not, in and of itself).  But I had placed such value on being a "good" mom and having the "perfect" family.  I wanted everyone to think that I had it all together.  I wanted other moms to say, "Wow, Sabrina is such a great mom."  How selfish and ugly that desire was and is.  It's not about me.  What good does it profit me to hear the praises of others?  And to appear to have it all together.  It may feel good for a moment, but it has no eternal value.

Have I conquered this idol?  Absolutely not!  It is a struggle I deal with on a daily basis.  And the Lord will continue to shatter my "plans" in order to teach me that He is enough and that He is in control.  While the road has been painful at times and extremely frustrating, I can truly say how grateful I am for each trial - they have brought me to the end of myself and into a deeper relationship with the Lord.  I am so thankful that I don't have to live up to my standards as a mom, but that I can rest it all on His shoulders and trust that He will guide me down the right path.  What freedom there is in that! 

Every 2 Weeks

I have decided that parenthood's ups and downs happen in two week cycles.  For two weeks things will go great and then it's like a switch flips and then for the next two weeks you are pulling your hair out.  Then things go back to being great.  This may not prove true for everyone, but it does for us.  Some of you are blessed with an "angel" baby and things have been relatively great since the beginning while others have a bit of a challenge on their hands.  It is so easy to become overwhelmed and frustrated when baby doesn't sleep or eat well, but if I continue to remind myself that this is just a phase and things will get better, it makes it easier to deal with.

For example,  when we switched Hannah's schedule to more of a 'Babywise' approach, things were great right away!  She started sleeping 10-12 hours through the night and napping 3 times per day for at least an hour each time.  I kept a very detailed log of our entire day so I could see the patterns and what worked and what didn't.  For about 2 weeks, things were going GREAT!  I spoke the praises of 'Babywise' and told everyone I knew that 'Babywise' was exactly what we needed.  Well, then things changed.  I didn't change anything with our schedule or routine, yet she stopped sleeping through the night and her naps became almost non-existent!  UGH!  What happened to our 'Babywise' cure all??  I had several break-downs and tried to figure out what was happening.  What was I do differently?  Was she sick?  What she teething?  What she going through a growth spurt?  Nothing I did seemed to solve the sleep problems.  So we are just dealing with it.  I continue to stick to the routine (as much as possible) and hope that things will click again.  I assume that by next week, she will be back to "normal" and things will be great again.  But in the meantime, we push on.  Today has been especially tough.  Hannah woke up two hours early, ate, and thankfully went right back to sleep for 2 more hours.  But then the rest of the day was completely off!  She didn't take her morning nap at all (after letting her cry it out for an hour, I gave up).  Then she only took a 30 minute afternoon nap (again, I let her cry it out for an hour when she woke up early...no luck).  Now she is down for her final nap of the day and thankfully has been sleeping for the last 20 minutes, but I'm sure it won't be long before I hear her crying again.  Oh the joys of parenthood! haha

So, what's my advice for those days and nights that are just completely crazy?  Keep trying!  Just chalk it up to a bad day (or week, or month) and move on.  Yes, you will be frustrated.  And yes, you will shed some tears.  But things will get better (eventually) and when they do, you will be that much more thankful.  Times like this remind me so much of our struggle with infertility!  While we tried to conceive for 2 years, deep down inside I knew it would eventually happen, but the waiting sure did stink!  I pleaded to the Lord and cried out to Him for strength.  It was the hardest thing I had ever gone through.  But the Lord was faithful!  He heard my cries and He blessed us with our sweet little peanut.  The same was true with my horrible morning sickness during pregnancy and my extremely painful labor.  And it's still true today!  God is always faithful!  He will always bring you out of the darkness and show you His mercy!  But sometimes we have to endure the tough times to get there.  And when we do, the good times are that much sweeter!

So press on.  Don't get completely obsessed with the "little" things that go wrong every day.  Focus on the good times and the many blessings in your life.  And know that God will be faithful and will bring you brighter days!

That's my sermon for the day! ;-)  I needed to hear that more than anyone!

A gift!

Psalm 127:3 - "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him."

While in the thick of parenting, we often forget what a gift our children are to us.  Being a parent is a tough job and being a mother is an endless and often thankless one.  When our days are bombarded with laundry, dishes, poopy diapers, spit up, nursing, baby talk, paying bills, organizing everyone's social calendars, cooking dinner, ironing, and other often monotonous tasks, it is easy to forget why we are doing it all.  While trying for 2 years to conceive our little peanut, I often thought of how the trial of trying would make me appreciate our miracle baby that much more.  And while I have definitely found that to be true in some instances, I too get bogged down in the daily grind at times and throw all of that to the wind.  What I wouldn't have given just a couple years ago to have a little one taking up my time.  Now here I sit, finding myself complaining from time to time about how mundane my daily life can be.  But the Lord calls my child a gift and a reward....what an awesome reminder!  How true that verse is!  Despite all the chaos that is motherhood and the boring and disgusting things we do on a daily basis, Hannah is a gift and such a blessing in my life.  

Thank you Lord for entrusting me with such a great blessing.  Guide me as I work to raise her in a godly home!  Let her know you from a young age.  And let all I do, day in and day out, be to glorify You!

Thankful

I have so many things to be thankful for....we all do!  Even when times are tough and our lives seem to be crumbling around us, we can choose to be thankful.  The Lord has blessed us with so much.  We live in a time of abundance and in a free country!  All of us have a place to call home, family, friends, and even a computer to access the internet from! :-)  In an effort to thank the Lord for all that He has blessed me with, I thought I would make a list of just some of things I am thankful for!  This is by no means a way for me to brag about my accomplishments or the things I have, but is my attempt to brag on the Lord and what He has done in my life.  I know that every good and perfect gift comes from the Lord! (James 1:17)

• My salvation - Jesus paid the price for my sin and covered me with His perfection.  That right there is enough to be thankful for even if you can't think of anything else!
• My family - I have the most amazing family (immediate and extended).  My husband is amazing!  I don't even know where to start with how much I love him!  He is definitely my best friend!  And my little girl is our little miracle.  I never knew I could love someone so much, so fast!  Then there's my parents who raised me in a Godly home and taught me about Jesus from a very young age (I'm sure they were reading me bible stories while in utero!)  I also have the most amazing siblings who love the Lord and are such a bright spot in my life.  I so wish they all lived closer!!  I have amazing aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, and grandparents too!  There isn't a family better than mine...I promise! :-)  But on top of all that, I have been blessed with the most amazing in-laws!  My mother and father in-law are amazing!  I always hear horror stories about mother-in-laws, but I have never found a negative thing to say about mine.  She is awesome!!  My two sister-in-laws are more like sisters to me than in-laws and I love them to pieces!  Not to mention my two brother-in-laws, who are a blast too! :-)  Who has it better than me?!?!
• My friends - Throughout my life I have been blessed with amazing friends.  Many of my closest friends growing up are still some of my closest friends today.  But I have also made some of my best friends within the last 5 years that we have lived in Atlanta.  It was tough moving to a city where we knew no one, but now some of our closest friends live right here. 
• Brian's job - I do not take lightly the fact that my husband has a wonderful job (these days many people are without one).  He has been very fortunate to have a job in the finance world that has remained stable through all the chaos.  We are blessed that we are able to live on his salary alone and that I am able to stay home with our little girl.
• Being a stay-at-home mom - This is the job I always dreamed of doing.  What a blessing to be able to stay home every day with my little peanut!
• Our house - We have a safe and secure place to live and raise our daughter in.  We have running water, air conditioning, heat, electricity, food, water, and a place to sleep at night.  It is so easy to take these things for granted because everyone around us has them too, but not every one in every country is as blessed as we are!
• Our church - When we moved to Atlanta we were overwhelmed with the vast array of churches to choose from.  The Lord led us to Perimeter Church through a pastor at my home church (Riverbend Community Church) in Ormond Beach, FL.  We could not feel more blessed to call Perimeter our home church.  We are so thankful that Hannah will be under the preaching and teaching of that church and will be raised in a church that preaches the truth!
• Health - While so many people around us are dealing with overwhelming healthy issues, the Lord has blessed me and Brian (and Hannah) with our health.  We are so thankful for every day that the Lord continues to bless us and keep us healthy!

Those are just the top things that I am thankful for today....I could go on and on.  It's the big things and the little things that make me feel so blessed. 

Take time today to thank the Lord for His many blessings in your life!

What Makes You Happy?

Our lives are full of stuff.  Some of it makes us happy, some makes us sad, some makes us anxious, and some of it just makes us exhausted.  Our homes are overtaken with stuff.  Our minds are boggled down with stuff.  Our relationships are bombarded with stuff.  It's time to clean out the closets (in our homes, in our minds, and in our relationships).  The "stuff" in and of itself is great.  What makes it not so great is when it starts to rule our lives and make us crazy.

In the weekly bible study group I attend, we have been talking about idols.  This has made me really examine my life in an attempt to pinpoint the idols of my heart.  What is it that I can't live without?  Well, if I am honest with myself and with you, I would say that I couldn't live without Brian, Hannah, and the rest of my family.  I also can't live without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He is my everything.  But is He enough?  What if, like Job, I lost all my loved ones?  Would I be okay?  The thought is excruciating.  Life without family doesn't sound like life to me.  But where is the line between something you love unconditionally and something that has become an idol? The following are a couple quotes that I think answer this question:

• "Idols are not sinful things, but good and basic things elevated into being ultimate things.  We look to them for meaning in life, for covering our sense of insignificance, for developing a 'righteousness' or worth." - Tim Keller
• "An idol is anything in our lives that occupies the place that should be occupied by God alone." - D.M. Lloyd-Jones

What if you lost all the "stuff" in your life?  Would you still be content?  What have you placed on an 'altar' in your life?  Is God in His rightful place or something else?   Is He enough?

So this is love...

I am in love!  While reading Hannah a story before nap time today, I got so wrapped up in how much I love her.  I finished the book and just starred into her eyes for the longest time.  Before long, tears were rolling down my cheeks.  I love her beyond words!  Before I had her, I knew I would love her, but I just didn't understand how much until now.  Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the moment I saw her (really from the moment I found out I was pregnant), but contrary to popular belief, this "big" love that I have for her now was not present the moment she was born, or even in the first week of her life.  You don't often hear this from a new mom, but I found that first week to be so overwhelming and emotional that I really didn't feel very connected to Hannah.  That was really hard on me.  I expected to just fall madly in love with her the moment she was born...but that just wasn't the case.  Thankfully I had a sweet friend tell me that it was completely normal to not feel that instant love (if she hadn't told me that, I would have continued to feel awful!).  I didn't realize that it would take some time for the love to grow and develop.  I did love her, just not like I do now!  I would do anything for her.  She is so precious to me and I am so thankful for her!  We waited several years for her...we pleaded with the Lord to bless us with a child...she was SO worth the wait!!

My love for Hannah so often reminds me of the Lord's love for me.  I now have a greater understanding of how much He loves me.  And even though I love Hannah more than words can express, I know that the Lord's love for me (and for her) is so much greater.  Wow!  I am so undeserving of such a great love.  But He loves me unconditionally, something I really didn't understand until I became a mother.  No matter how many times Hannah spits up on me, has a major diaper blow-out, or wakes me up in the middle of the night, I love her!  I love everything about her because she is apart of me.  How much more does the Lord love me...I am His creation.  He sent His Son to die for me.  Words cannot express this kind of love.