Pregnancy Humor

Here are some fun jokes I found about pregnancy...thought I would share! :-)

Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: Because you're fatter than they are

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college

Q: Does pregnancy affect a woman’s memory?
A: Most of the ladies I asked don’t remember

Q: My breasts, rear end & even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder

Q: What position should the baby be in during the ninth month of pregnancy?
A: Head down, pressing firmly on your bladder

Q: How do I know if my baby has dropped?
A: He/She will start crying. Be more careful!

Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says, divided by two

Q: Is there a reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word “alimony” is a concern for you

Q: I’m modest. Once I start to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A: Authorized hospital personnel only — doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.

Q: What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A: It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne is trying to make it’s way out of you

Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby’s mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse

Q: What's the difference between a 9 month pregnant woman and a super model?
A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him

Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks

Q: My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful to be a model. Whom should I contact about this?
A: Your therapist

Q: What is the grasp reflex?
A: The reaction of new father’s when he sees new mother’s breasts

Q: Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A: Yes, but it’s much easier if she removes the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to act normal?
A: Possibly when the kids are in college