Wednesday, April 21, 2010

So this is love...

I am in love!  While reading Hannah a story before nap time today, I got so wrapped up in how much I love her.  I finished the book and just starred into her eyes for the longest time.  Before long, tears were rolling down my cheeks.  I love her beyond words!  Before I had her, I knew I would love her, but I just didn't understand how much until now.  Don't get me wrong, I loved her from the moment I saw her (really from the moment I found out I was pregnant), but contrary to popular belief, this "big" love that I have for her now was not present the moment she was born, or even in the first week of her life.  You don't often hear this from a new mom, but I found that first week to be so overwhelming and emotional that I really didn't feel very connected to Hannah.  That was really hard on me.  I expected to just fall madly in love with her the moment she was born...but that just wasn't the case.  Thankfully I had a sweet friend tell me that it was completely normal to not feel that instant love (if she hadn't told me that, I would have continued to feel awful!).  I didn't realize that it would take some time for the love to grow and develop.  I did love her, just not like I do now!  I would do anything for her.  She is so precious to me and I am so thankful for her!  We waited several years for her...we pleaded with the Lord to bless us with a child...she was SO worth the wait!!

My love for Hannah so often reminds me of the Lord's love for me.  I now have a greater understanding of how much He loves me.  And even though I love Hannah more than words can express, I know that the Lord's love for me (and for her) is so much greater.  Wow!  I am so undeserving of such a great love.  But He loves me unconditionally, something I really didn't understand until I became a mother.  No matter how many times Hannah spits up on me, has a major diaper blow-out, or wakes me up in the middle of the night, I love her!  I love everything about her because she is apart of me.  How much more does the Lord love me...I am His creation.  He sent His Son to die for me.  Words cannot express this kind of love.