Friday, May 21, 2010

The Grass Is Always Greener - Part 2

As I thought more about my post from the other day, I started to feel bad about it.  I didn't realize at the time how ungrateful it made me sound.  There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have given anything to be pregnant.  I remember saying that I would rather be barfing everyday than not, if that meant I was going to be a mother.  Then, I go and write a post saying how awful pregnancy and labor hypocritical!  If I had read a post like mine when we were trying to conceive, I would have been in tears!  My heart would have broken and I would have said, "Shut up!  At least you were able to get pregnant and have a baby!"  I distinctly remember thinking those things when I would hear other women complain about their pregnancies.  Then, I turned into one of those women I despised.

If you have ever gone through a time of waiting in your life (for a spouse, for a child, for a job, for a home, for a clean bill of health, etc.) then you can relate to what I am saying.  While in the midst of the waiting, you are desperate to get whatever it is you are waiting for.  You pray daily for that thing and wait as patiently as possible for your prayers to be answered.  The waiting is so hard and some days it feels like you just can't do it anymore.  You want to give up, but you know that you can't.  Then, when the Lord answers your prayers and blesses you with whatever it is you have been waiting for, you are overwhelmed with thankfulness.  All that waiting has finally payed off.

But then, you suddenly get so wrapped up in the moment and your new life (marriage, pregnancy, parenthood, a new career, a new house, your health, etc.) that you often forget what life was like before.  You forget the pain of the waiting and the hours of pleading with the Lord.  Our minds so easily forget.

Lord, forgive me for being so caught up in the moment (of pregnancy, of labor, of parenthood) and so easily forgetting what a blessing my pregnancy was.  I am so undeserving of the grace you give me.  The pain of waiting for our little miracle baby was excruciating.  How could I so easily forget that?  I had no right to complain during my pregnancy...I wanted that more than anything gave me exactly what I asked for.  My pregnancy was a blessing!  My labor (no matter how painful) was a blessing!  And Hannah is a blessing!  Let me not forget that.  Thank you for the endless blessings in my life...I am so unworthy!

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